Yes, well, you're not me.
The other night I was sitting in a bar lounge in a hotel in Swanborough with some fun and charming Australians from all around this country. I recited some Henry Lawson and then they tried, collectively, to remember the second verse of Dorothea Mackellar's My Country which includes what I find to be an absolutely hysterical reference to the "terror" of this country as if that's a good thing. But it is! they said, and then we found the rest of the poem online and laughed a good deal. Somebody bought me some local beer I'd never tried and maybe I sang King of the Nerds. We probably talked a bit more about the differences between the US and Australia, which seemed to be a rich topic all week. This involved much fun and laughter, and I enjoyed sitting back and thinking that I was extremely fortunate to be in a position to have this sort of happy friendship experience in a different country with people I hadn't known only two days previously.
So what I'm thinking is that what I could have said, in response to "If I were you", is, "If I were you I'd be sure I began my trip to Australia by attending a system administration conference."
If you were me you'd be a very lucky guy.