Steven (unzeugmatic) wrote,

My Jewish Virgin

First off I should explain that after 18 years I am almost, but not quite, used to the fact that my simply being Jewish is considered notable enough to call out here in Minnesota. This is never done with any consciously negative overtones, although it can be a little disconcerting.

Recently one of the guys I run into at the Eagle has started to call me "my Jewish virgin", as he puts his arm around my waist and smiles. This is a much better ending to a situation that could have gone much weirder. Although I suppose by regular standards this whole thing is pretty weird even as it stands.

This guy is a friend of a friend, and I met him one flirtatious summer night on the back porch. A couple of months ago he'd had way too much to drink and he asked me if I were a top or a bottom. I ignore this question completely when it is asked, not even wanting to give it the positive reinforcement of a cute answer. I continued on with whatever we'd been talking about before but this guy wouldn't let go of the question. He kept asking it again and again. Finally I just said outright, "I've never had anal sex," thinking it would stop the question but of course I wasn't thinking straight or I would have realized that was not a possible outcome of this declaration.

His response was an incredulous, wide-eyed, "Why not? I mean, what's wrong with you?" which prompted me to start to walk away but this guy immediately stopped me and said, "No, I didn't mean what's wrong, I meant, well why?" "I just haven't." He kept asking and I kept not answering and I made the mistake of getting annoyed, which is my only excuse and not a very good one for my response of, "I probably wouldn't be alive today otherwise." The horrible thing about that statement is that it has implications that there is something right about my virginal status and something wrong about the act itself, which is not what I mean by that statement. No, it's just something that is, given my age and cohort and how many people I've lost from among those I had sex with in the seventies and eighties. It is, in fact, something that I have not been able to avoid considering now and then, but it's a cheap and stupid way of trying to get somebody to shut up.

This statement, though, did have the effect of causing this guy to stop his line of questioning and look puzzled. So I apologized for what I said, pointing out that it had nothing to do with why I'd never had anal sex anyway, and while I'm not sure he quite caught any of that he did regroup and started to tell me how he had liked me and how he could have shown me a good time. Evidently he'd been thinking about my ass, or perhaps about his, or perhaps about both. In time I did get the conversation moved on.

Ah, another incident in the ever-full barfly life.

Well a few weeks later this guy joined me and some others when we were standing at a table and he said something to the group about me being a virgin. I ignored this for a while, even when he repeated this, but eventually, without any annoyance or change of tone, I just said, "I don't know why you care so much." This yielded the most unexpected response. He stopped, looked thoughtful, and said, "I don't know why either." Then he said, "I'm going to have to think about that." And he walked away. To think about it. (I know the answer, by the way: I threw off his sense of sexual possibility and violated either his assumptions or his hopes in a way that surprised him.)

So now, when he sees me, he calls me his Jewish virgin. He occasionally makes bantering comments about how he's willing to show me the path to pleasure. It's a running joke and, surprisingly, I don't mind at all.
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